Home Is The Place I Live

In every civilization, there’s the indisputable marker of success.

In ancient Egypt, it was pyramids.

In ancient Greece, fancy togas (probably, right? I’m no scholar).

In New York, it’s frames.

Anywhere else, putting frames on the wall is ordinary. In New York, it’s a statement.Continue reading “Home Is The Place I Live”


Microwaves are super efficient and useful.

They make delicious things manifest themselves, like Hot Pockets. Bagel Bites. All the pizzas that ever pizza’d.

But whenever Franco and I tell people we don’t have one, we get one of three responses:

The first is WHY?

The second is WHY?

The third is… OK, maybe it’s more like we get one major response, and only after getting the 50 WHY’s out of the way do we get a smattering of follow-up questions.

Continue reading “Micro-no-wayyy”

That Time We Went Tiny


The trees swallowed us whole.

Towering over us with gnarled limbs, they looked more ominous than the usual skyscrapers. At least buildings were predictable. They had walls and stairs. There were humans in them. But who knew what kinds of creatures lived in those trees? And on top. And under.

When buildings catch on fire, the firemen come. When trees catch on fire, it’s every dung beetle for himself.

Buildings make sense. Nature is, well, fucked.Continue reading “That Time We Went Tiny”